Jamie and Priscilla presented to my clinical practice four years into a loving relationship. When I asked them, what brought them to see me, in unison this lovely couple chanted, “neither one of us wants to have sex.” They went on to say they loved each other and were so happy together. My initial response was; you have no problem. When neither one of you wants sex, there usually is no problem. But this was not the case.
You see, both Jamie and Priscilla wanted to “want to have sex.” Now that is a different story, I thought. Jamie a 53-year-old accountant told me that he had very low libido. I inquired about whether this was a change from earlier in their relationship and Jamie said that it was however his libido over his lifetime even as a teenager was low to medium. Jamie also mentioned that his erections were not as firm as they had been in the past.
I “sized Jamie up” and noted he was quite a large man with a significant abdominal girth. At 6 foot 3 inches tall, Jamie tipped the scales at 245 lbs. His body mass index (BMI), a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to adult men and women, put him into the obesity category. Jamie consumed a high percentage of sugar in his diet which is addictive and lethal to health and may lead to inflammation.
Jamie needed to begin by getting healthier. I suggested Jamie lose 65 lbs which would put him in well under the obesity category and into a healthier BMI rating. I also suggested that Jamie begin to exercise daily. This is the best way to increase testosterone which decreases as men age and may impact libido. Jaimie’s blood pressure was elevated at 160/90 and he told me that his doctor said he was “pre-diabetic” both of which would contribute to erectile dysfunction. With weight loss and an daily exercise, I can pretty much guarantee Jamie’s libido will rise along with his private member.
Priscilla at age 57, was a classic “Type E” (everything to everybody), had low sexual desire and was also overweight. But that was not all. When they tried on occasion to have sex because they knew it was good for their relationship, sex was painful due to vaginal dryness. Priscilla tipped the scales at 165 lbs which was high for a woman of such short stature at 5 ft. 2 inches tall. She knew she needed to set limits and boundaries and focus on herself. She did not have a very good body image and was happy to make dietary lifestyle changes with Jaimie.
I explained to Priscilla that sexual desire emerges out of sexual arousal, so there was a case for “just doing it.” She could choose pornography, sexting or sexual activity as ways to get aroused. As for her vaginal dryness, I suggested she try Gynatrof, a personal moisturizer and lubricant. I felt this would be a good choice as she could use it as a lubricant during penetrative sex as well as nightly for one week and then twice weekly.
In the interest of romance, I suggested this loving couple have one last supper before staring out on their new lifestyle. Will update you on their progress next month.
Maureen McGrath is a Registered Nurse host of the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW, feminist, women’s health expert and a 2016 TED speaker on the Sexless Marriage. Her book is available on Amazon.ca : Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without The Other. She is recipient of the Vancouver Board of Trade Community Catalyst Award 2016 and a finalist for YWCA Women of Distinction.
