Ménage à trois

The Ménage à trois is a “Threesome” that may be two males and a female (M-F-M) or two females and a male (F-M-F). Threesomes are a very common erotic fantasy for men.  I receive so many emails about them that I thought I would post this one from a listener with my opinion on the matter or shall I say matters?

Dear Maureen,

My boyfriend keeps asking me if I am interested in having a threesome with him and a female colleague of his. Not only does this make me feel like there is something wrong with me, I feel very disrespected. My friends have said that this is the only way I will be able to keep  him or any man sexually satisfied and interested in me over the long term. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Middle

First of all, it is pretty well known that most men fantasize about watching their girlfriend or wife make love to another woman. On top of that, men love to fantasize that two women are having their way with him. These thoughts, desires and fantasies may make a girlfriend feel as though she is not good enough or that she can’t satisfy her man.

From the sounds of how you are feeling, you probably don’t even feel like having a twosome with him. But I digress. I understand how you feel however what I don’t understand is your perception that his cries for a threesome are disrespectful. Simply put, it is a question. If you cannot ask a question in a relationship, respect is the least of your concerns. Your boyfriend has every right to ask whatever question he so desires, yes even that question. You may have different concepts of sex but for him the threesome may only be about erotic fantasy but it definitely is about pleasure and after all that is what sex is about. So being in a relationship with him should not preclude him from experiencing pleasure through other intimate and loving ways that include you. He is not seeking a threesome OUTSIDE of your relationship after all!

Many women enjoy a threesome as much if not more than a man. That said, many women are not attracted to women and would never entertain the more common F-M-F version.  Some women enjoy the experience of experimenting with another woman and this is the perfect set up.  Another reason women, may not fancy an F-M-F threesome is that unless a man’s refractory period (time between erections) is that of a teenage boy, there is only one holy grail and that is the penetrative sex and so a choice must be made. This may lead to one of the women feeling left out and it is very hard not to experience feelings of jealousy especially if she is the main squeeze.

Many women would however gladly consider an M-F-M version of a threesome.  She is the holy grail twice! And likely in a very short amount of time. Many men thoroughly enjoy when another man makes love to their girlfriend or wife and may get off on watching the pleasure she is experiencing with him. You may consider an M-F-M threesome and ask him if that is something he would like to explore with you! Expanding your horizons outside of your relationship may take your loving to a higher level. Sexual urges are very unique and vital to a person’s sexual self esteem and their sexuality. I’m not saying that you should agree to anything for as always you must do what is comfortable for you. Mutuality and consent are key in exploring new heights in a healthy relationship.  What I am saying however is that it is best not to make this an issue of shame. It is the shame in a relationship that spoils it.

There you have it, my humble opinion on the realities of the infamous threesome.  Don’t let his fantasy keep you from having sex with him. In the meantime, you will want to keep things up and continue to get back to the bedroom with your man!