She was hot. He was horny. Both were in relationships when they came upon each other….on-line. Common-law for a decade, she was bored sexually in her relationship, a common occurrence reported by women in long term relationships. He on the other hand was in a sexless marriage, defined by the experts as sex less than ten times a year.
They chatted back and forth through email, texting and onto sexting. The sexting gave rise to arousal which is why it is so dangerous for people contemplating infidelity. They sexted well into the night while their respective partners slept, suspecting nothing.
After two months of sexting, it was time to meet. But, there was only one problem. His wife caught him sexting and was furious with him. Apparently this was not his first offence and cheating was what ended his first marriage. His second wife thought things would be different with her as most second wives do. The first wives know better. He ceased all communication with his “hot” fantasy female until……
A few months went by and one day when he least expected it, he saw his “hot” lady walking down the street from his office window. He texted her with a simple, “hey.” He could see her smile as she read his text. She texted back and the two began their clandestine communication once again. They both wanted to meet each other desperately as it turned out.
The couple met at a hotel bar nearby. She was nervously excited. She was very attracted to his photo, could tell he was a gentle soul with a keen sense of humour and had a way with words. She wanted her way with him.
Until this time, he felt she was chimerical. But now, here she was in the flesh and the sexual chemistry was sizzling. A drink. A touch. The first kiss and then the passion exploded. They managed to find a secret spot in a hidden hallway off the hotel lobby, where they ripped each other’s clothes off and made love. The excitement had been building and was now exploding. This only increased the heat.
It’s not uncommon that couples who have met on Ashley Madison (dating site for married people, yep) or who are having an affair to run into issues. This couple presented to my clinical practice after one year of an illicit affair. The sexual compatibility was still high BUT they wanted to advance their sexual play. She brought up anal sex but he wasn’t as comfortable but was willing to give it a go……with some guidance.
That said, anal sex is becoming more mainstream. The smartest people do it. Just ask the erudite scholars at Harvard University who offer a one week course on anal sex in the first term for freshmen (and obviously freshwomen).
Here are my ten top tips on anal sex from the bottom up:
- Relax, breathe, take it slow, anal sex is to be enjoyed. Research reveals that women who engage in anal sex report more orgasms.
- But do communicate clearly what you want, how you feel, how it feels, when to take a break or stop…
- Start with inserting a finger or a sex toy (Anal Plugs) designed for anal play or try “rimming using tongue, finger or toys.”
- Don’t worry about the anus being dirty; it’s not. But, an anal douche may help you to relax.
- But, do maintain good hygiene; don’t put a finger that’s been in the rectum into the vagina.
- Don’t go too deep. The nerve endings you are trying to stimulate are at the rim of the anus.
- But you may want to “strap on a strap on” for him ladies or if in a same sex relationship.
- Use generous amounts of water-based lube.
- But remember, anal play is better when there is additional stimulation; nipples, clitoral, inner thigh massage.
- If anal sex isn’t for you, it isn’t for you and that’s OK. No ifs, ands or Butts about it!
But hey bottoms up if it is!
Maureen McGrath is a Registered Nurse host of the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW, feminist, women’s health expert and a 2016 TED speaker on the Sexless Marriage. Her book is available on Amazon.ca : Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without The Other. She is recipient of the Vancouver Board of Trade Community Catalyst Award 2016 and a finalist for YWCA Women of Distinction.
