This week alone (& keep in mind it’s only Tuesday) 10 men have presented to my clinical practice because they are in sexless marriages. Yes sexless marriage is a thing.
Sexless marriage is defined by the experts as sex less than ten times a year.
These married men are all lying in the same bed & they have so much in common. Here’s a snapshot.
All of the relationships are reported (by them) to be good. (Problem #1). They are good friends with their spouse (Problem #2) & parent well together (Problem #3).
None of the wives will talk about sex. With their husbands. (Problem #4) None of the wives will seek help. (Problem #5) So how good are these relationships?
All of them men suffered some degree of anxiety. Remember men need sex to manage stress. Some men exercised excessively to deal with their sexless marriage. Some of them had cheated. Some were thinking about cheating. Most drank to decrease their anxiety. Other things went down too. (Problem #6, 7 & 8)
But perhaps the biggest problem is this: #9 None of these men are having penetrative sex. None. Not one. The reasons: 2 wives have sexual pain, 2 wives do not “orgasm that way”, 2 wives had body image issues, 3 women have low sexual desire & 1 only does hand jobs.
When I asked my clients, all 45 and under by the way, if they were OK with this for the rest of their lives, they all sheepishly said no. (Problem #10) Desperate men accept anything.
What these men didn’t realize is that they had become more or less roommates with their spouses. The intimacy is the tie that binds but this was badly broken.
All of these issues are pretty easy fixes. It’s about education, communication and leaving the bed of denial. Follow up blog coming soon unlike anyone in this article.
Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on the Corus Radio Network which is also a free download on apple itunes https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sunday-night-health-show/id1179064116 google play https://omny.fm/shows/cknw/playlists/sunday-night-sex-show or wherever you listen to your favourite podcasts.
Maureen’s TEDx talk on sexless marriage has had more than 18 million views. The No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Cheating, Loneliness and Shame can be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVgzOyHVcj4