Being a sexual health expert, people ask me all the time how to “keep the spark alive” and feeling sexually satisfied within one’s marriage. Well, here’s what I tell them:
(1) Touch Each Other
Touch is the foundation of intimacy (and as you grow older touch may be all you have left). Touch often on the cheek, cuddle, put your head on each other’s lap, run your fingers through your lover’s hair, walk arm in arm, and hold hands. Hug and kiss every day of your married life. Troubles will come but touch will cure. Touch may lead to sex and sex is important in any relationship (which is why it is number 2 on my list)!
(2) Get Physical
Have Sex. Many couples quickly become roommates and it does not take long for a relationship to become passionless. The longer it has been since you have had sex, the longer it will take to get back to the bedroom. Have great sex, explore, change things up with candles, toys, role playing, and porn (check out my shop). It is one thing to have sex, duty sex, boring sex, the same old sex, and this may be a risk factor for an extramarital relationship. This is why acting on an attraction outside of your relationship is far more likely if nothing is going on in the bedroom at home.
(3) Resist Temptation Outside of Your Marriage
Let’s face it, marriage is difficult enough and you cannot expect it to be trouble-free. Adding an affair adds whole new dimension of troubles. With that said, you can’t expect to only be attracted to your spouse for the rest of your life. Recognize that you or your partner will likely be attracted to another person along the way, but more importantly, it is what you do with that attraction that will make or break the marriage. If you are inexplicably attracted to another person and considering an indiscretion, realize that (more than likely) there is something wrong or missing in your current relationship. Face the issues at hand and work through them with your partner. In order to do this, you must remain emotionally connected, which is why #4 on my list is vital.
(4) Understand That Sex is More Than Just Being Physical
Did you know that the brain is the biggest sex organ? Sex is more than just the physical act in a relationship. Taking the temperature in your relationship is key and keeping it hot is vital. Everyone wants to feel desired and it is important to demonstrate to your spouse how much you value them. Foreplay starts long before you make it to the bedroom – this is why compliments, appreciation, love notes, flirting, and sexting go a long way. Stay interested in your relationship…
(5) Initiate Sex and Initiate More
Ok, I hear this complaint a lot more from men than I do women but that is because a man’s sex drive is different from that of a woman’s. Someone needs to be the driving force for a healthy sexual relationship. Initiating sex means having a vital role in the sex part of a relationship. If you are making up more excuses for not having sex than ways to spark the fire, you are probably in a sexless marriage and a sexless marriage is at great risk for relationship issues and health problems.
Bear in mind, life is a gravel road and although it seems as though wedded bliss is in your future, there are many stumbles along the way. Medical conditions, communication styles, and values will all play a role. So, stay positive, connected, and passionate and chances are that you will overcome whatever life sends your way and get back to the bedroom more often than not!
